Visionary love letter to the new world(s)
on interdependence and relational healing
Conflict is intimate. Don’t engage in conflict with just about anyone. I’ve been in a cross-continental one-sided conflict with my love who isn’t really my love since the past one year. Or at least that’s what this silence feels like. Obliteration. A separation of two bodies who are intimately entwined to the same reality: the refusal to let go. The energetic tie that knots two people together despite their greatest attempts at avoidance. No resolution, no mutually worked upon or talked through distinctive end to the connection but a coagulated transition of sorts. Maybe the energy remains not despite but because of this avoidance. Conflict, to me, is a chance at intimacy you can either choose to take or run away from. One brings you closer to repair and the other keeps you away from love.
I say this as someone who is terrified of conflict because I grew up amongst grown ups who didn’t know how to resolve with mutual care. Instead they blew up at each other at any point of disagreement, gave each other silent treatments and resorted to physical violence. Conflict has never felt safe because my slightest attempts at vulnerability were always received with defensiveness, ego, gaslighting, verbal abuse or complete avoidance of my emotional reality.
This pattern has followed me throughout my heart connections (romantic or otherwise) later in life. This is not ideal particularly for a trauma survivor who requires reassurance and love even during conflict. especially in it. Who was born into neglect and parental rejection. This is simply not ideal for anyone who wants to build a connection, any connection centered around love and healing.
If harm has occured in relationships then healing has to take place there, too. What I want is not the sugar-coated version of what is actually meant to be uncomfortably revealing and sacred. I want Love—not merely in the personal sense of being made happy but in the universal sense of growth and evolution. Wanting to confront the mucks of being human. A commitment that is mutually inclusive and wants to engage in repairing relational wounds that have shaped us into the people we’ve become, the same wounds which keep us from experiencing the love we desire the most. I want Love—but not in the westernised digestible IG infographic therapy talk way that’s mass fed to us daily but in the let’s raise the frequency of the collective consciousness way. I want Love not because it would complete me but because I want to practice world building in union.
Love as a celebration of being alive. Not perfectly, never perfectly but in a way that feels true for us. In this time and age, in the midst of a revolution. Love as the audacity to dream for more. Asking more of each other. Daring to embody what is possible. Becoming the future.
Who dares to live out this dream with you? Who wants to embody it and walk through life committed to repairing with you? Who has the courage to believe in something that doesn’t quite exist yet but asks us to answer to its calling anyway—the ultimate calling of our generation? Who wants to love? Who wants to become loving? This is the future, baby. It already exists in our consciousness. On a cellular level, we are wired for interdependence and relationality.
It has been meaningful for me to lean into the practice of truth-telling now more than ever before. To share with radical vulnerability instead of performance, and to stop myself from holding back for someone else’s comfort. Radical vulnerability is uncomfortable to tap into because not only does it reveal our most intimate truths but also the truth of the collective. It pushes us into the discomfort of communal accountability. A sustainable practice which often lacks in the world because we get so caught up in constantly adapting to social rules that do not factor us in—filtering out our lives for them to make sense to others, granting them easy access into our complex reality that it often takes away from the seed that birthed their rebellion in the first place.
If we want to disrupt the systems that keep us apart, we need to start somewhere. To change the world, we first have to transform ourselves into the bridge that carries the future within us. You are the future you desire. You are also the love you want. Only you can practice the relational healing that serves you for others to meet you there. No one else can change your life for you. Revolution starts with the self.
True love loves you for being true, remember this. It doesn’t fancy hierarchy, ego or over-intellectualising / over-analysing of something that’s meant to be accessed through the heart. It doesn’t need you to become small or to play it safe.
Ancestral resilience teaches us that what we fight for is often what bears its fruits to the next generation and not always to the present one. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe the change doesn’t need to happen overnight for it to still be prevalent in the now. Change is a constant phenomenon and it will continue taking place in the background. It is because of our present actions that we will have the future we want. There is no denying this. There is only persevering, as Saturn teaches us, onto the next timeline. What the visionaries believe in—the vision backed up by consistent acts of love and rebellion will birth the future whose energy we are all undoubtedly collectively feeling, into the physical.
Welcome, the Age of Aquarius. Here I leave you with the words of my favourite somatic writer & practitioner:
“Our relationships are the core infrastructures of our movements. Our ability to love each other through conflict will determine the future we are able to build.”
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with love, your 11H Aquarian visionary mei
i love how you speak about radical vulnerability and authenticity in conflict resolution, it's sooo important to me to be transparent and voice my thoughts rather than placate to someone else's comfort